Friday, April 1, 2011
Joke is on me
I spend way too much time thinking about him. I spend way too much time wondering if he thinks about me. I try to remember the good times we had, but those were over 25 years ago now. I try to forget the verbal fights I used to witness, but those are things that are easiest to recall. I never wanted it to be this way. I feel like it is partially my fault that I didn't make the effort to go to his country and ask him the hard questions: Why did you leave the country? Why did you marry my aunt? Why did you stop calling me on my birthday? Why did you stop caring?
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You know it could be that you owe yourself these answers - or, better put, you owe it to yourself to ask the questions.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to loom large for you - you can get answers if you seek them hard enough but the window for that is closing fast.
I hope that through action or inaction you find peace with this. It does not sound like fun, what you're going through.